Life Updated

Well really cool things have actually happened here with the Hamidi family in Vienna. :-) My two highlights since June are that we moved to a new apartment and my friend Natalie was able to come visit. Our 'new' old apartment building had a gas leak, so the gas was shut off and we had to scurry and get a 'new' new apartment. This was a blessing in disguise because I LOVE THIS PLACE! The neighbors aren't as friendly as the last place, but we upgraded from a studio apt to a one bedroom! Ahh -- SPACE! Since I brought soooo much stuff with me it is nice to have the extra room to actually unpack my boxes. :-) We still trying to get everything where it needs to be and when it is, I promise to take some pictures (seriously Janaye, i will).

AND my friend Natalie Hughes got to come to Vienna for a day as a detour. She came in the middle of July with her friend, Lisa Grace, and it was like a breath of fresh air. I don't get out enough here in Vienna, so it was so great to talk and gab and catch up while showing them both this beautiful city I live in. I think I turned out to be a pretty good tour guide too....I've read the guide books, so gave the details as I remembered them. :-) We ended up our visit having an excellent meal with Karen whom Natalie also knows here in Vienna (small world). Natalie thought it is so cool that I knew Barbara, but unless you've left America you don't realize how small the Christian circle is overseas and especially the Church of Christ one. So thank you Natalie and Lisa for blessing me with a day of friendship!

Khalid and I have also been struggling with a capital "S" because it is one of those hard times for Khalid. He isn’t really friends with his medicine and thus doesn't take it like he needs to and this puts huge strains on both of us when his moods are swinging around. The bonus of problems is that it makes my faith that much stronger. The drama has motivated to finally get back into daily Bible readings and I am loving the peace that God is filling me up with. Hopefully I am getting filled up enough to share some with Khalid. :-) And at church our pastor is doing a wonderful study on Ruth which I also love.

Also for good news my nephew turned 7 this month and told his mom after his party that it was the best birthday ever! Praise for him! :-) And one of my close friends, Tina, had her first baby on the 21st. So i have a new little god-niece named Mia Sofya Clifton! I am so excited for Tina and Chris and already can't wait to meet her when I come visit.

More later....

Newlyweddedness

Not sure that is a word, but I have been thinking a lot lately about how much harder marriage is than I thought it would. Although Khalid and I have been married for TWO YEARS now (our anniversary was this month) I still feel as if we are newlyweds because we have only lived together for 6 months. Before we got married I remember all the numerous talks we had after I would read websites about what we should talk about before getting married. HA! Yeah -- those talks didn't really prepare us for how to deal with all those issues when you are mad and the other person is stuck in the same apartment with you because oh, yeah you're married now. :-)
I the websites dealt a lot with money, in-laws, sex, and chores. Well sadly for Khalid, I do not have in-laws so no trouble there. Sex has never been a problem for us. I am a stay at home wife, so chores aren't a problem (Khalid takes out the trash and does the heavy lifting). And I love cooking -- although Khalid makes great rice and french fries, so I leave those to him). But the three things we struggle the most with are money (he grew up rich, i didn't), cultural differences, and his bipolar.

Money, ugh! We just view money different -- how we spend it, how we save it, how we give it away. Growing up with a mom who would drive to 5 different stores to get the sales might have annoyed some -- like my sister -- but I grew to love it and see it as a challenge. I do not mind going to out of my way to save even $.50 if I have the time. When I was in America I loved cutting coupons and trying to search out sales + coupons for the ultimate deal. I once even spent almost a hour at a Wal-Green's checkout -- but I spent $19 and saved $50ish. Yet my wonderful husband is more of a one store shop kinda guy and he has no idea about saving. If we have $200 and need $130 for bills -- he's mind doesn't automatically say we only have $70 left. But we are working on it. :-) I write all the money down on an Excel spreadsheet, so he can see it all laid out and I can have the peace of mind that everything is getting paid. And he is learning about sales -- just the other day he came home with bananas because he saw they had a 1\2 price sticker on them. Bless him.

Multicultural differences. I thought when we were dating, we had a lot of these ironed out. But alas, our cultures rear their ugly heads and cause a lot of disagreements. Incase you don't know -- I am Mid-Western American Christian and Khalid grew up an Eastern Europe Muslim (all different types of cultures make him up). Maybe you think it is weird that I put our religions in there, but I feel that churches and religion greatly influence the culture we grow up in. Khalid has a bad habit of watching American movies and generalizing his ideas about Americans after that -- makes me so angry. I have a bad habit of yelling when I get angry which for him is unheard of -- he gets really angry. And we have both had to make a lot of compromises. It is hard for him to understand hugging at church -- he would prefer me to limit my contact with others to brief handshakes, but he just tightens his jaw and realizes that a hug is important to others. It is hard for me to understand why his friends refuse to talk to me, unless he acknowledges me first, but I just take a deep breath and remember that it is because they have respect for Khalid that they do this. Praise God! that we are able to realize our differences and respect those differences. I also praise God that we are now of the same religion. It helps both of us to remember that we need to molding our lives after Jesus -- not trying to win a battle of cultural wills. Our different cultures also allow both us to some extra joys too.... I want to stay at home and in his cultural this is a given....so WIN! He likes PDA -- and it isn't taboo in my culture...so WIN! (and by PDA i mean holding hands, arm around each other -- not the gross get a room stuff. HA!)

Bipolar -- this is probably our biggest struggle and if I am honest, will continue to be our biggest struggle throughout our marriage. Khalid destests taking his medicines at times which isn't an option, so problem number one. problem number 2 is that I have a hard time discerning what is him being bipolar and what is him being a punk. I think sometimes I excuse too much of his behavior because of his diagnosis and sometimes I nitpick things that are out of his control. He is seeing a new doctor (which happened after I moved here)who is a godsend!, so things are looking more positive right now but it is all a cycle.

Lastly on a positive note -- I love my husband more than anyone and am continually amazed at how strong our love is. We have already weathered losing a child and being away from each other and I know we are both stronger because of it. The last 6 months have been wonderful for my anxiety and for me to continue healing from Nicoda's death. I love how much Khalid loves and misses Mr. Nicoda. I love having him near to cuddle whenever I want! I love that someone is always here to hold me when I cry now! I love that I have someone to cook for! And I know he loves having someone to cook for him. Ha!

Thank you to all the wonderful marriages out there -- thank you for your examples in commitment, your honesty about struggles, and your openness about the joys of your marriage. May God bless all our marriages!

New Apartment...New Everything

Well -- it finally happened! We got our new place (actually moved two weeks ago -- but I am a slow blogger) and new furniture! I love having new things and watching Khalid put all of them together. I mean seriously who needs a power drill when you have muscles like him... :-) I help by reading the instructions and he scoffs at needing them, but always seems to be looking at me for the next step regardless. Ha! We got a red dishwasher which just makes me smile each time I go into the kitchen, not to mention it matches all of the kitchen stuff I already had. We also got a new big refridgator....it is fairly common in Austria for most apts to have a dorm sized fridge, which might be alright, but a dorm sized freezer doesn't quite cut it for me. So as soon as it was delivered I went and stocked up on ice cream, pizza, and veggies! :-) So ober nice to feel settled and to actually unpack my boxes that have been sitting around. God has truly blessed us with this place and with our new belongings. And the best blessing for me is that we have awesome neighbors. They invited us over the first night we came and I have hung out with the lady neighbor twice already. We made plans to go shopping each Thursday to the market down the street as well. It is nice to have someone to say hi to each day besides Khalid now. :) They have a 4 month old little boy and are expecting another, so Khalid and I both enjoy getting baby snugglies in as well. Masi (sp?) looks grumpy in this photo, but he is actually a really happy baby. I'll work on a better photo.

In addition to all the other new things -- I got a new haircut (donated it to Locks of Love) and new glasses (black and purple). My hair seems to have doubled in curls since I cut it, but at least it makes it more less maintence because I am not so generous in time when it comes to my hair. :-)

Well that is my update for now....more later! Blessings!

mother's day blues

mother's day -- a day to make the mothers in your life feel special. And my mom is special -- she has been 100% there for me and is such a support and encouragment in my life! I love you, Mom!
but the actually day is so bittersweet for me. i ache to be a mother of a living child that can draw me a picture or be a reminder to others that i am a mother as well. i keep wondering what he would look like now at 16 months. He'd be walking, saying so many words, drawing little pictures, and smiling all the time. i miss him so much. so this sunday I am going to wake up, go to church, and buy myself some flowers -- or let khalid buy them. so that I can remember that i am a mommy to a precious little boy.

Nicoda:
Your life was a blessing,
your memory a treasure.
You are loved beyond words
and missed beyond measure.

People Fascinate Me

Lately I have been struck by how much of a people watcher I am.....I could sit at the U-Bahn for hours just to watch people if my other half didn't object (and he does.). I don't always love what I see, but it just constantly reminds of how different we all are. From the women dressed up in the jeans and high heels to the woman with several colors of the rainbow in her hair. I love watching moms with their kids -- unless they are bad moms which I see as well. And of course the older couples that are just seem so content to move slowly and hold hands as they go. The high-school age kids that always seem to forget what an inside voice means and the old women who sit and glare at them. There are just so many people who make of this world and I blessed to be able to observe them (even if it drives my hubby mad.) :-)

My favorite people watching story happened when I was in high school and visiting my grandma. We had gone to the mall and after a couple of hours of shopping just sat on a bench to rest. My grandmother is also a watcher and we sat for over an hour criticing everyones clothes as they walked past.....to our embarrassment an older man who was sitting behind us got up and walked in front of us and asked us to please let him know what was wrong with his outfit that day. Ha! Caught in the act!

Everything-sick

I'm just homesick, familysick, friendsick, favorite foods sick -- just everything sick today. :-( Guess we all have those days when we miss the ones closest to us! But really feeling it today....I love you all!

Spring Is Here!

I love the spring weather this year! Last year I didn't notice anything going on, so it makes this spring even more special. I go on a walk everyday and sometimes am able to convince Khalid to come too. :-) I also love spring because one of my wisest friends, Heidi, told me in my dark winter season of mourning that God cycles our lives like the seasons. She reminded me that the winter would not stay and that my spring and joy would return. I love you Heidi and am so blessed to have you remind me of things -- and am so glad that it truly is spring outside and in my heart!

We are still apartment hunting which is very frustrating -- we are searching so hard and have found so many! only for them to be given to someone else before we turn in our papers. Ugh! But God knows the apartment we are supposed to have....we are just ready for Him to tell us. :-)

We had a good Valentine's Day day with a home-cooked meal and flowers. (It was a salsa chicken recipe and made the chicken so tender and flavorful!) We spent Easter walking around Vienna and going to Schonbrunn's Easter Market. That is where you see the picture of us with the giant egg. The people taking our photo was so funny -- dancing behind the camera, acting like monkeys. It made for a nice smiling photo and we had some good Austrian treats.

Autobahn Adventures

I promised to blog about my trip back from Holland and thank you Leah for reminding me. :) After we finally got to Holland and found the place who was holding Peanut hostage til we paid her taxes, we gassed up and hit the "Interstate". I think it is only called the Autobahn in Germany, so we didn't that til an hour into the trip.

First I would like you to imagine driving in Chicago -- one of the worst cities to drive in America because they have a problem labeling their exits and roads. Then imagine an entire continent of this. Khalid and I would get on the road that we needed and then suddenly the highway number would change. We would get freaked out and turn around only to find out it changes for about 30 miles and then "merges" back to the original number. Map quest also -- bless its heart -- gave us exit numbers, yet they had no posted exit numbers. This was all doing the day time.... The true drama came at night when we were still on the Autobahn and going 100 MPH (like the cars around us) with our one little working headlight. Not that bad, unless you also factor in that Germany does not feel the need to light their interstate. So people are FLYING by you and you are straining to see in front of you....while being slightly blinded by oncoming traffic on the other side. Then to make my "white-knuckle" driving worse, we hit road construction. Now we are only going 80 MPH between cement blocks the width of a dog house. It was so cool to go that fast and not worry about flashing lights behind you -- but it was not cool that I sat so tense for 12 hours that I bruised my tailbone. Ugh!

And I wish that I could say Austria was better. The other day I went to visit my friend across town and I wrote out the instructions. And they would have worked if I had known that Interstate 22 really mean get on Interstate 2; and that take exit toward Donaukanal and B226 means Nordbucke. I mean really how did I mess that up. :-) Guess it is all part of the learning curve! Today we were driving to an appointment and it was nice, we got there in about 5 minutes and parked. But thanks to 1001 one way streets it definitely took us 45 minutes to find our way home. I won't lie -- I had an "I hate being here" melt down after that trip home.

But I am so thankful that Peanut is here and that she brought my things with her. And I am so grateful that we can now go to the cheaper grocery store to stock up. My little Peanut -- a blessing in disguise.

P.S. In Europe (minus England) we do drive on the "right" side of the road. :-)

anxiety - dictionary definition

anxiety - NOUN: pl. anx·i·e·ties
1 A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.
2 Psychiatry A state of apprehension, uncertainty, and fear resulting from the anticipation of a realistic or fantasized threatening event or situation, often impairing physical and psychological functioning.
3 Eager, often agitated desire: my anxiety to make a good impression."

Ever since college I have struggled with sporadic anxiety attacks. Yet since Nicoda died the anxiety attacks haven't been sporadic anymore.....it got to a point where I didn't want to leave my room or house because of how upset I got whenever I was around people or felt closed in (like at a store). But once I realized how bad it was getting, I went and got some counseling and began taking some anxiety medication. It really helped, until last week. For some reason I've been having more anxiety attacks than normal and this past week has been the worst. Not sure why, not sure of the triggers, just know that I hate it. For me an anxiety attack feels like someone just took out all of the air in the room, so I struggle to breathe and I can hear my heart racing inside my ears. My hands will start to sweat and I get dizzy. It is pretty debilitating. Thankfully Khalid helps me with this (goes to the store with me and holds me), but I would like and love prayers for peace that passes understanding to come into my heart and mind. I want to start my life again and to do that I need to be comfortable leaving my house and talking to people again.

Blessings

27th Birthday

I'm now 27! I had a pretty good birthday -- I am a dreamer and a planner, so I had been preparing for my first day of being 27 for a couple of weeks. Khalid and I had a big breakfast and then went to go get my birthday present which was a birthday calendar. I really like them because I am terrible with other peoples dates....I picked a pretty with different flowers for each month. Then we went grocery shopping for special treats. We got ice cream, flowers, chocolate, cheese and crackers, a cake. It was a grand day! Thanks hubby for making it so special!