Two More Angels, Brenden and Malika

These last couple of months have been very hard here at the Hamidi house because we have reached the full gamet of emotions -- happiness, worry, laughter, and sorrow. We found out that we were expecting in early September and Khalid was over the moon. I was torn up because I wanted so bad to be happy, but all I kept thinking about for weeks was Nicoda and worrying that this pregnancy wouldn't last. Sadly my worries came to be a reality when we miscarried our beautiful angels, Brenden and Malika Hamidi on October 16th, 2010. Their names mean 'Prince' and 'Princess' because that is what they will always be to us, Khalid and me. (the doctors have found out why our babies can't stay in...and I will have to have surgery in the next couple of months to help protect our future babies. ugh.) The first few days are blurry with emotions and phyiscal pain, but the past few days have been better. I grieve for our now 3 angels in heaven, but I am so glad that they have finally found out the WHY!?! I cry alot over silly things and have to remind myself that I am just missing our babies. Mostly I am just taking this time to snuggle with Khalid every chance I get because I am reminded all over again of how short life can be.

"Just Those Few Weeks"

For those few weeks,
we had you all to ourselves.
And that seems too short of time
To be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks-
I came to know you...
And to love you both.
You came to trust me with your lifes.
and, oh what lives I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks-
When I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.
It wasn't enough time to convince others
How special and important you both are.
How odd, truly unique people have recently died
And no one knows to mourn the passing.

Just a mere few weeks-
You were just those few weeks my little ones
You darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
To make my life so much richer-
And give me another glimpse of eternity.
Enjoy Nicoda until Daddy and I come...

Leaf Finding Adventure

It has been cold here in Vienna, since probably mid-September. Like 30's and 40's cold....not the ideal October, but we ventured out to enjoy the leaves changing colors and to collect some leaves to decorate the house with. (khalid is skeptical if the leaves are going to look nice INSIDE the house - ha!) But here are some pictures of our fun. :-) *Happy National Day Austria*

All I Can Say Is GRRRRR!!!

Have you ever just disliked someone so much that you would do anything to distrupt their lives? I haven't ever...I may have mentally disliked them, but never enough to actually be mean. Sadly it seems that the American Consulate feels that way towards Khalid and I. We just can't catch a break with them! I was sooo sooo sooo excited for Khalid to come and meet my family and friends, see Nicoda's grave, eat real Mexican food -- but alas, I will be making the November trip alone. Thanks to God that we hadn't bought our tickets yet or my verbal explosion might have been felt all the over there in America (ha!) So sorry for those excited to meet my hubby....maybe next time (fingers crossed hoping!)!

* only 23 days now! that doesn't sound bad at all
* the double bad news about this is that now I only have 2 suitcases to bring back my American goodies. ugh! pack light, Stac, pack extra light.

Oct. 15th, Infant Loss Memorial Day

October 15th is a day to remember all babies lost through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death. At 7pm you light a candle *your time* and let it burn for an hour....then for the entire day around the globe there will be a candle burning for those little ones that we can't meet til heaven. Join me in lighting a candle for Mr. Nicoda....it is so hard to believe that he has been gone for over a year and half. The grief gets easier, but he is always on the top of Khalid and mine's mind. We will also be lighting candles for all the other angels we know who are with our little boy...Gracie, Levi, Opal, Faith, Thomas, and SOOO many more.
Blessings!

There's No Place Like Home

Home: n. 1. the place where a person, family, of household lives 2. where somebody was born or raised or feels he or she belongs 3. the place where something is most common or has its origins 4. a place where one can find refuge and safety and security.

I am 34 days for getting on the plane to make my visit home and I am uber excited! I really like the def. of home because KC is the place where I feel I belong. Thankfully for my marriage I am able to overcome that feeling and live in Vienna for Khalid. Ha! :-) But it makes the time I get to spend with those I love so much sweeter. I was just telling my sister last night that I have started an Excel Spreadsheet to keep track of what I want to do, who I need to see, my shopping lists, etc. etc. Ha! And poor Khalid is a combination of nervousness and excitement. He is not only going to be immersed into the English language, but he will be surrounded by people that only I know the WHOLE time. It sounds like heaven to me to be around people 24/7 for a couple of weeks -- but I know it is making his head reel. Hee hee But he is anxious to go to Nicoda's grave and meet my family, so that should be enough to make him get on the plane. :-) We get to see two new houses -- my brother and Leah moved - and meet two new godnieces and a nephew! And I get to expose Khalid to my favorite foods/restaurants! And now he will able to put a face to all the names I talk about -- and I get to just be somewhere I am known and loved. Ahhh.....so ready for November to be here.

"A man is not where he lives, but where he loves." - Latin Proverb

"What great thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life -- to be with each other in silent memories" - George Eliot

Current Favorite Meal

I love how others share their recipes online, so I am going to post Khalid and I's current favorites. We have burek (an eastern european dish) with almost KFC coleslaw. :-) The burek is so super easy to make and the coleslaw makes for great snacks for days after....

Burek:
1 lb. ground beef
1 TB allspice
1 TB paprika
salt and pepper to taste
1 potato shredded
1 onion chopped finely
1 package of pie crust
1/4 melted butter or oil (optional)

Brown the meat with the allspice and paprika. Roll out the pie crust on a cookie sheet/pan and leave the wax paper under it. Mix in the potato and onion with the cooked beef and pour the mixture onto the pie crust longways. Then using the wax paper to help form and move, roll up the crust into a tube (should look like a strudel). Dispose of the wax paper and put the meal into the oven at 350F for 20-30 minutes or until golden. Optional -- you may spread the butter onto of the rolled up meal before baking. Cut and Serve!

almost KFC Cole Slaw:
2 heads of cabbage
1/2 of an onion
2 medium carrots
2 cups of mayo/Miracle Whip
1/3 cup sugar
1/4 cup vinegar
1/4 cup vegatable oil

If you have a food processer, cut up the cabbage, onion, and carrot with this. If not cut the cabbage into long narrow slices, shredd the carrots, and chop the ontion. Then mix in the all the rest of the ingredients. Refrigerate or let stand for up to an hour before eating.

GUTEN APPETIT!