Thinking of You with Love

We thought of you with love today,

but that is nothing new.

We thought about you yesterday,

and days before that too.

We think of you in silence,

we often speak your name.

All we have are memories,

and your picture in a frame.

Your memory is our keepsake,

with which we will never part.

God has you in His keeping,

we have you in our hearts.

A million times we`ve wanted you.

A million times we cried.

If love could only have saved you,

you never would have died.

It broke our hearts to lose you.

But you didn`t go alone.

For a part of us went with you...

the day God called you Home.

~Author Unknown

Nicoda's Second Birthday

Two years have gone by now since I got see and hold my precious baby.  Two years of longings, wishes, and so many tears...    I wish I could say that I am okay now but so many days I'm not.  There are still days when I wake up and go to sleep so angry that I don't have my little boy to hold, to rock, to teach his ABC's.  Somedays I see my friends and their kids and the joy they have watching them grow and it hurts to know I don't have that chance.  I look at Mr. Nicoda's pictures all around the house and I love seeing his face, but I get so upset knowing that there will never be any 'new' pictures -- that I only have memories.  So I wish today was different -- I wish that we were throwing a birthday party instead of just releasing balloons -- I wish I could hear Nicoda's sweet voice talking and see him take his toddling around-- I wish, I wish, I wish....

But through it all I still know that I am blessed....I have pictures of my little boy, I got to feel him kick inside me, I got to touch his soft little cheeks and kiss his little toys, I have an overwhelming love for God for taking care of our little boy.  So although my grief has changed me, I am blessed to have had Nicoda for the 7 months I did. 

 Mr. Nicoda, you are so loved and so missed! 

Can't wait to see you and hold you someday. Until then, Mommy