Last weekend I was BLESSED beyond measure to attend the women's retreat sponsered by my church, International Chapel of Vienna. And I won't mince words it was the best weekend of my life since losing Nicoda. I learned so much, met so many wonderful women, was met by God exactly when I needed it, and was ANXIETY FREE!
At the retreat I met several women who have lost children through miscarriage and one who gave her testimony of losing her son at 31 weeks (just like our boy). Hearing all of their different stories was so eye opening for me. The amazing woman who lost her Christoper at 31 weeks knew since week 10 that he was going to die. He wasn't developing or forming correctly, but they knew that God had given him life and they would going to carry him until God took him. She talked about verses that gave her hope during that time and how she was grieveing, but that everyday she saw how Christopher was touching lives and allowing them to minister to others. I sat there weeping for her pain and literally in shock about how she and family viewed his life and death as such a God thing so early on. Her story was so night and day from how I felt when I lost Nicoda. I also met another woman who had just recently lost her child at 10 weeks. They had been doing in vitro for FIVE years and were finally blessed with a child only to lose him/her. M (the woman) told me that she couldn't believe how hungry for the Word losing her child has made her. She downloads and listens to 5 or 6 sermons a day and has an unquenchable thirst for soaking up everything spiritual. I again listened in disbelief in how her grief story is going to be so different from mine. I feel like it took me a good part of two years before I felt 'good' again. Two years before my heart and my mind could both understand at the same time that God is still God -- although my life changed He didn't change. He loves me and is working things out for His glory.
From those stories of those amazing women, I have been changed. Since arriving home I have been soaking up the Scriptures like I haven't ever read them before. I am so motivated to use my life for God's glory and to continue to find a way to use Nicoda's life for His glory as well.
(written last week and somehow forgot to post it!)
Nicoda's life and your life have already been used in mighty ways to see God's glory! I'm so glad that you were so blessed and refreshed by this weekend! I'm so glad that you are feeling healing, and I know he'll continue to use Nicoda's story for HIS good, because you're willing to let him. I love you!
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