The Joy and Stress of Life

Life is hard.  My life has been hard and then harder for quite awhile now.  I keep thinking it'll let up soon -- maybe next month, maybe next year -- but really it could be heaven.  My friend Heidi's husband doesn't really like songs that talk about wanting to go to heaven because he feels that we should be living in the present...I totally see his point, especially from a ministry stand point...but somedays all I can be joyful about is knowing heaven is my future. 

Blessings:

• Cupcake is a wiggler!  This does SOO much for my peace of mind to feel him move all around.
• my amazing, wonderful best friends Jacqueline and Heidi -- they let me vent, laugh, and cry! 
• people who love me and pray for me constantly....too many to name and how beautiful is that
• a free place to stay right now and my new part-time job
• a blessing of a mother who is helping me right now with my bills as they arise

Stresses:

• Khalid -- he still isn't on medication; isn't being there for me or Cupcake; causing lots of pain and just the unknowing of what is next for us -- for our marriage if he nevers chooses to be there.
• Worry -- I know we aren't supposed to worry, but I am still human right?  I worry everyday for this baby.  I cry before every dr appointment stressed that it'll be the appt they don't find his heartbeat.  I worry that if he does make it, that I won't be enough for him - emotionally and finanically.  I worry that it will just be too hard to be a single parent (if that is what God is planning)
• Housing -- still praying for an apt I can afford because I'll need to move before Cupcake comes

As I write them all down my blessings seem so many and yet they don't dominate my thoughts.  :(  Please continue to pray for our Mr. Cupcake -- that he does arrive safe and healthy.  That God would break Khalid and change his heart.  Prayers for my future and that I somehow start to trust God more and more with the uncertainitys of it.   Thank you!