Two years have gone by now since I got see and hold my precious baby. Two years of longings, wishes, and so many tears... I wish I could say that I am okay now but so many days I'm not. There are still days when I wake up and go to sleep so angry that I don't have my little boy to hold, to rock, to teach his ABC's. Somedays I see my friends and their kids and the joy they have watching them grow and it hurts to know I don't have that chance. I look at Mr. Nicoda's pictures all around the house and I love seeing his face, but I get so upset knowing that there will never be any 'new' pictures -- that I only have memories. So I wish today was different -- I wish that we were throwing a birthday party instead of just releasing balloons -- I wish I could hear Nicoda's sweet voice talking and see him take his toddling around-- I wish, I wish, I wish....
But through it all I still know that I am blessed....I have pictures of my little boy, I got to feel him kick inside me, I got to touch his soft little cheeks and kiss his little toys, I have an overwhelming love for God for taking care of our little boy. So although my grief has changed me, I am blessed to have had Nicoda for the 7 months I did.
Mr. Nicoda, you are so loved and so missed!Can't wait to see you and hold you someday. Until then, Mommy
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